This Saturday I ran into an old acquaintance, I know his sister and asked how she is doing. The response I got was not one I hoped for. I used to run with her in my using days and we were quite close. She was like a sister to me. He told me she is still hooked on drugs, has overdosed 4 times in which a few resulted in being narcaned. She also lost custody of her son completely as she will never get to see him again. My heart breaks for her. I knew her before we used drugs. She had so much work ethic, potentional, she always wanted a baby.. It took her years to finally be able to conceive. When she does it gets all taken from her by her drug use and choices. People become so judgemental when a parent loses custody due to drug use. I know it all to well. If your read my earlier posts you'll know my sister has custody of my oldest because of my drug use. What people don't understand its a choice at first to use but then it becomes part of you. Part of your life. Then when all the shit catches up to you. All the pain and hurt, you keep using to try and forget it all. But you can't escape it, no matter how hard you try its always there. So you put that needle in your arm and hope it all away. When you wake up and its still there, you use so more. Its a vicious cycle some only can break by death itself. Its absolutely heartbreaking to live or watch. I'm one of the lucky few. I survived my addiction with 3 years clean and counting my 4th year. I'm proud of who I am today. I can now be a mother to both my daughters and be a positive role model. It isn't an easy thing to do. Addiction is always hiding around the corner waiting for the perfect moment to strike. But when it does ill be damn ready to knock it down. I pray for all those struggling and hope you can look at me and believe you can do it. Becoming sober you true my have to believe in yourself when no one else does.
Monday, September 25, 2017
3 years ago I was consumed in my own he'll that I created for myself. Needles everywhere, track marks covered my body, and I wouldn't leave my room. Depression filled my whole being after I lost custody of my daughter. Now fast forward to today, I have two beautiful daughters (one is the one I lost custody of) the other I found out I was pregnant with and it made me straighten out. I write this as I'm sitting waiting to pick up my daughter from school! I never thought I would be able to get back to this point in my life. Gratefulness and love fills my heart today. Now longer will I be a victim of my past. My monsters are slayed and I am a victor. You to can become a victor and rise. Wear your past proud. I know right now when your deep in your addiction it seems immpossible but I promise it's not. It gets easier. It will take time but the reward of your loved ones saying they are proud of you or they were so scared of losing you and they're glad to have you back its so worth it. Don't give up! Keep trying!!
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Because of recovery this happened!! I have been sober since April 1st 2015. Let me tell you it has been pretty amazing. I got married to the love of my life whom has stood by me in my addiction days, dcfs day, to now my sober days. Its been a struggle and i know it will always be a battle. But i got my sword and im ready to fight always. If you've been following my blog since the beginning im sure you noticed two little girls in the picture. My precious little one that my sister adopted is there! My family after my youngest was born accepted my husband into the family and ever since its been so much less stress and i can see my daughter so much more. I take her over to my place quite a bit or i go over to my sisters. Which is like a block away might i add :) Addiction slowly took away my life and recovery gave me a new one. Its taught me to never take anything for granted because what you have now is what someone has been dreaming for. Its to never judge anyone from their past because you haven't lived it. Its to live life like each day is your last. Recovery is to have the best smile and attitude possible cause after all you have lots of life to make up from your using days. Its to live your life to the fullest and remember family is whats most important :)
Thanks for reading. love always Susie
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Until next time God Bless- Susie