March 6th is overdose awareness day. So in light of the day I’d like to share some personal stories that I had dealt with overdoses in my life.
Two of my very close friends died of overdoses. They were brother and sister.. The brother died of a methadone and xanax overdose. He stopped breathing and passed in his sleep. This man was my high school sweetheart. We dated all throughout high school and even in the years after going our separate ways remained in contact. He had a light about him and a heart of gold. When he saw someone struggling or having a hard time he made it his mission to make them laugh and smile. He struggled himself with mental illness and addiction growing up and into his adult life but that never made him less of a person. In my eyes it made him more. He fought through his trials til he could no more. Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what kind of man he might have turned into. The day I got the call that he passed I was at work. My husband at the time called me to tell me to go into the office and sit down. I knew deep down something bad had happened but was not prepared for what he said. So and so is dead (not saying names out of respect of families). I about dropped to the floor. The weeks following before the funeral, I went around and collected money with his sister for the funeral as the family didnt have enough for it. I became to bond with his sister more then i ever have. Of course ive spent time with his family and knew them from years past of our dating times. But this was different. We both had something in common, our love for him. Not only that though, we both were herion addicts. So we’d go around collect the money out of jars for his funeral, bring it to there mom and then we would go get high and use together. The day of his funeral I will never forget the pain and sadness I felt. It could cut through glass. Months after his funeral I buried my sorrow in drugs, thats when I saw the post on facebook. The sister I spent so much time with months prior had died of a herion overdose.. It was like I had to relive losing him all over again times two. That made it even worse. She was just like him in so many ways. Selfless, kind, funny, always willing to go out of her way for others. She never let addiction get the best of her, she fought it hard and wanted sobriety but like many ppl it eventually took her life.
One thing that was very clear then and even more so now is the family and close friends never truly moves past losing a loved one. That feeling of what should have been, or could of been always will linger. Missing them and wishing they were still here never goes away. The guilt that you could have or should have been able to save them. Everyday gets easier as time passes but your love for them remains the same. The questions of what the future could have held if they were still here arise every now and then. The memories remain frozen in time as if part of your heart has been locked away in a prison as life continues to pass by.
Overdose happen far more often then we think. In our addictions we don’t necessarily think we’re invincible but we sure as hell don’t think about death. Thats the last thing on our mind because thats a buzz kill right. What we all fail to realize or see is just how close to death we really are. Its terrifying. I don’t ever want my family to have to bury me to soon. Never do I want my husband or children to have to say mommy is in heaven. If I were to use again that could become a reality. So please in light of Overdose awareness day think about all those whom have lost their battles with this never ending disease. Also think about who have made it. Pick up the torch and pass it to others. Were all in the darkness together so why not share the fire ❤️
love you all!
