Rehab

 

This is a before and after picture of me when I got to rehab and then when I left. What made me decide to go rehab you may ask. Well shooting herion everyday sometimes all day was just getting to be too much. Sitting with that guilt, shame, and true suicidal thoughts day in and day out. I was so tired of it all. I missed that girl I once knew. The one that would smile and laugh for no reason at all. The mother that would play with her kids and do anything for them. The wife that would communicate with her husband. The woman who lived by her values and was honest always. I lost it all due to drugs. I became someone I absolutely hated. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. When I decided to go to rehab it was a feeling of relief. Soon it would all be over. The day my mother in law dropped me off at rehab and I had to hug my kids and her was extremely hard. I haven’t cried that hard in god knows when. But once i walked through those doors I could breathe again. It was as if I felt like god was holding my hand and walking me through. The pain of my addiction suddenly felt as if it had been taken off my shoulders. All the clients, staff and counselors changed my life for a lifetime and then some. One of the biggest ah ha moments i had in rehab was the realization that I wasnt only numbing all the pain I created myself but the love and support from my family. I had created a wall with my addiction and nothing was going to break it down. It was as if i was trapped deep into a well with a whole team of people trying to rescue me holding a rope yelling at me to grab it. But even with it right in front of me Id yell up what rope where?? It wasnt til I got sober for a few weeks did I realize that I had the strength to grab that rope and that I wouldn't have been doing it all alone. I had a true army of people that had my back and would have loved me through. Now this time around being sober Im not scared to let my loved ones know I need a rope or just some support. Calling people from aa just to talk or messaging them has become apart of my new normal. I tell my husband everything and especially when Im struggling. Once I talk its like the weights are lifted. That elephant on your chest disappears. If your struggling with your sobriety right now and are wondering if rehab is the right choice for you just go! I know you will not regret it. Its truely a eye opening spiritual experience that I will never forget. You grow as a person and learn about who you truely are for the better. It’s extremely hard at first. That vulnerability you have to do at the beginning feels like your heart is ripped out if your chest and stomped on! But the love you feel as all the other clients and staff members pass around your heart and say they get it, theyve been there. Thats when you begin to grow and change 🥰❤️ 

Love you all, Susie