Thursday, July 30, 2015

the blessing from god

Sorry guys, if some of this doesnt tie to much into recovery. I just love to write and this is my life and i can relate alot of my life right now to recovery. So ill try my hardest to move back to some of the posts i've done in the past. With educating you and myself on benifits and things in recovery. Right now i just have somethings i need to get off my chest and writen down. Feel free to read or skip these post that relate more to my life then recovery. This will be the last one that is off subject.  :) i promise!


After my suicide attempt, i learned i was pregnant as i mentioned in the previous posts. Your probably wondering how i feel about the whole thing after all thats happened recently. Well I'm excited for a chance to do things the right way, to have a family and not tear it apart with addiction. To keep moving forward and show everyone exactly what i can do and what I'm made of. But i'm also scared, terrified, and worried. I worry that i may not be able to do it, i worry about messing up, i worry that my daughter will resent me when shes older for having another child and doing it right with this one but i couldn't with her. There are so many worries i have about my future. But i can't continue to hold onto them, those are all what ifs. If we all lived on what ifs then we wouldnt be living we'd be worring non stop. In AA recently a old timer brought up about how he was an alcoholic for many years and his children suffered because of it. Well years pasted and he got sober, remarried, and had more children. Those children never met the drunk dad, only the loving, kind and supportive one. A respectable father. He got a second chance. Not only that but his previous children are proud of him, look up to him, and call him dad now as well. If that isn't a blessing from god i dont know what is. Him telling me all this seriously i had to hold back the tears. It gave me hope and strength to not worry. Everything will work out as long as i stay sober and continue to work my program one day at a time. I encourage each of you to look at your blessings you have in your life today. Now think back to when you were using. Not so much of blessings. Look at what you have and be grateful. Happy. Most of all be proud of your sobriety and recovery, you've come a long way.
<3 always Susie 




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