Elizabeth's Story

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  My story started when i moved to tremonton. A whole different place than what i was used to i was a good girl. A little rebellious bit no drugs no alcohol nothing i didn't want to be like my father. He was hardly even in the picture even when he was he wasn't there for me. I met a crowd of "stoners" i felt i belonged in and felt comfortable with them. Most popular girls in tremonton. They partied and such. At home was not perfect disastrous toxic. My step father had a lot to do with that. He took a lot out on me even admitted it once. I always felt like the black sheep in my family compared to his children my step brother and sister. They did no wrong. I found peace and solace in pills. Lortabs to be exact. It started off my mom just giving me some for cramps. I liked the way it felt to be dropped low. At first it was only a few pills here and there. I found a few friends that did it as well and i did it with them at school. One particular friend was you Susie. We always brought pills if i didn't you did and wed always go in the bathroom no one used took out our texts books and crushed the pills and snorted them. It stemmed from there. I have ocd so with my pill use, i had a schedule/routine. Before i went to school. When i got to school, after first period, lunch, then after fourth, then when i got home, and before bed. It was a cycle everyday. But it was mild and just the beginning of my downfall. My use continued and i moved to other pain killers. Thanks to my mom. I stole her pills that she got for her fybromyalgia. Wasn't enough to notice. When we moved back to Brigham it got worse i found taking then rather than snorted lasted longer ans gave me a stronger long lasting high and i found myself taking handfuls at a time. My mom would hide them and i always found them. Always. Then i met my fiance whom I'm still with today. Now before i met him i already had the chance to try heroin bit when i met him he told me he was recovering due to the fact he didn't want me to run off if i found out he used heroin. Bit he sold it i didn't mind. But finally after watching his friends smoke it and see the high it gave them i wanted it i craved it and i told Chris which then he told me he used still and would let me try it once. He broke out the tinfoil and straw and taught me how to smoke it. It was bliss. It was the lowest i felt and i loved it. I immediately fell in love. And according to him it wasn't good heroin so he'd let me try it once more. He didn't want me using. But it ended up me using everyday though my fiance didn't smoke he injected. I was fine with that but he wouldn't let me see him shoot up. I met one of his friends the was a dealer and we dealt with him. I was spoiled id start to help cut out grocery sacks for them and the dealer would just take a chunk out of the gram and say here enjoy let us handle this. Id have enough to last me a full day of smoking and some in the morning. It was everyday thing. We had all the heroine we wanted. Then it got to the point of us hustling money everyday just yo get a b of heroin for the day. We stole from people. We borrowed money without paying back. At this time we lived at my fiances moms. We moved out temporary at my moms friends who let us love there as a live in baby sitter. We stole money from her. And finally two weeks before she kicked us out we got clean and started taking subutex. For those who don't know what that is. Its name is buprenorphine. It closes the centers in your brain that allow you to get high. Its an opiate blocker and can cause you to get sick if you get high. One day we were at a friends house and they went into our room and found a very old rig and kicked us out so back to his moms a month and a half clean. We were homeless fir a few days almost slept in a local park until his mom agreed to let us back as my parents refused to let me back. We said fuck it lets go for another run so we did back to hustling to get balloons of heroin everyday. And while all this using i didn't care i still to this day think it was the happiest tome in my life even though i used to escape me demons and lock my skeletons on my closet. 
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  In October of 2013 we stopped using and got clean started back on the subutex and we've been clean for two and a half years with only ONE mess up. Getting clean with a partner is difficult you fond different things in each other sober than when using. Bit our love was what got us through our sobriety. And we've stayed strong. During our use and getting clean we were on the edge of a cliff holding each others shirts so we didn't hit rock bottom and it saved us. My addiction started from mental abuse through my whole life. A neglectful father who never wanted us. Then a step father who made my life hell and does so still. I wanted to feel wanted and drugs seemed to be the way yo do that. I didn't go to rehab or meeting or anything i got clean by myself with my fiance. I'm not saying the program doesn't work i just chose not to. I faced my demons myself I'm strong. It has taken two years for us to get where we are now getting our g.e.d we have a nice apartment and my fiance has a great job a career. Were happy but we are boring most days. And that's okay. I lost everything in my life because of the beautiful intoxicating monster i held hands with and walked down the beautiful monsters path. I'm working my way back up that horrible path and I'm almost turning to the right one. Recovery is possible and its the best thing ever to say om sober i defeated my addiction. And i thank god everyday for my will power and my family and for bringing my fiance in my life. Addiction is not a joke. And I've been told to go shoot up with my std infested needle's and die. If you have a family member that is an addict don't punish them, if its your child don't beat them down, don't sit and go at least I'm not a dirty drug addict blah blah. Addicts need SUPPORT and understanding and need to know help is out there other wise recovery isn't gonna be an option. I'm living proof of that. I'm sharing my story so other people can see another side of addiction. I hope this helps at least one person. If your an addict its okay. Its okay to ask for help. There are wonderful programs and detox and doctors that want and their job is to help!