My addiction transformed RECOVERY

 

My name is Susie Harper and I'm a recovering drug addict. I started using drugs at the age of fourteen and haven't stopped till recently. Now im twenty. So with seven years of full on addiction, you'd think I'd know a thing or two. For example, feeling that nothing can touch you, that you got this thing handled. You can control the addiction, right? Wrong! Dead wrong. Addiction doesn't care where your from, who you are, or if your on the honor roll. All it cares about is robbing you of everything you ever had till you feel there's no turning back. Leaving you life less without a soul wondering who you are and how to get back to who you were. But the real question behind that is if you don't know who you are then how can you find yourself when your in a strangers body living a strangers life? I asked myself that very question when I got sober. At first I was a wreck, trying to learn how to live and understand life concepts all over again. Its as if I were a child in an adults body trying to relearn everything again. Eating, sleeping, socializing, structure, and even walking were a challenge for me. Eating, who eats right when their on drugs? Or at all for that matter. So when it came time to actually start eating i didn't know what to do or eat. I didn't want to get "fat" but I knew I needed to gain weight. Sleeping, I either slept to much or not enough. So trying to find a medium balance between the two that was not only healthy but right for me was difficult. Too much sleep, I got depressed. Not enough, im non coherent. Socializing, that was a huge one for me to relearn. During the last couple months of my addiction I isolated from the world. Hiding out in my room ashamed of whoever I was. So as I hid out from the world its as if I forgot how to communicate with people or interact with them. Structure, how do I cope or deal with structure when im so used to craziness around me. Just living day by day trying to get by. Walking, learning to walk around actually noticing and becoming aware of life around me was quite an interesting one. I began to look for the little miracles everywhere around me each day. All these things and many more I have had to learn to live life on sober terms. Some wise man in an AA room once told me the to stay sober the only thing you need to change about yourself is EVERYTHING. I never took it so seriously til I began to see all the changes I've made about myself and my life. Is it easy? Hell no. Is it worth it?? Yes yes and yes.

 Recovery has and continues to change my life everyday. I actually stop to smell the roses. I get down on my knees and pray for guidance. I live life not just exist in it. Recovery has gave me back my life and taught me how to actually live and enjoy many things. Along my broken path and roads I have found myself. Oh what a true gift and miracle that is! So now you know a little bit about me I would like to share the reason of this blog. As you may know, I've been through a lot when it comes to addiction and recovery. So if I can take my knowledge, life experiences, and education on addiction to help others then I'll take part in saving life's. Who wouldn't want that :) I'm going to try my hardest with all I got to educate/help addicts who still suffer, recovering addicts, and loved ones of addicts to better understand the addiction and what their going through. To help them get sober and stay sober. Down to what to do if you relapse. The main point of my blog is to help and educate!! Thank you and I hope you keep on reading my future posts. Comment if you'd like me to write about something in specific.