Ever feel like you have a million thoughts and voices talking in your head all at once? Feelings that you've supressed deep down inside of you that are just begging to get out? All these emotions and feelings deep inside you just feel like they're eating you alive. Maybe its guilt, depression, worry, regret, stress or whatever the case may be. We have all been there, especially in the beginning of sobriety. Please know, you don't have to go through this painful process alone. Also you don't need to or have to feel that way. God gave us all such wonderful gifts two ears and one mouth. We will luckily we can use them to our own advantage when we're having life stressers. My fiance says this all the time and its oh so true, "Us addicts can take a mole hill and make it into a mountain." What he means by It's just how our brains are wired because of the drugs and the lifestyle behind it all. We're just so used to avioding life all together. So when the time comes to sober up and face it head on we struggle bad!
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The littlest most simplest things that others do everyday without a problem become a challenge. Having structure, paying bills, socailizing, and just taking resposibility for ourselves overwhelm the hell out of us. So what do we do from here? Use the gifts God gave us, our mouths and ears. We get our ourselves to an AA or NA meeting or call our sponser/family member and let it all out. Then listen to the feedback given to us and take what will help us. I know how scary and difficult it is to be and feel that vunerable but trust me it helps alot! Just taking 15 minutes out of your day and have a full on vent session very well might save your life. Many people fail to realize that its not always the huge things that lead up to a relapse. It can be something as simple as someone at work pisses you off. Letting everything just keep building up and up inside till we relapse. For me, at the beginning of sobriety I didn't take it seriously at all. I went AA meetings, I listen but never share or really talk to anyone there. Basicly I was just going to get my card signed and leave. Old using friends I kept in touch with every now and then. I thought I was doing everything right because I was sober. But then I started to struggling bad. Trying to be an adult and sober is hard and I was discovering that with the more responsibiltys I got, the harder it was. But I just couldn't seem to figure out why everything was so damn difficult. Finally after a month or two of being stressed out. I got sick of how I was feeling and I talked at an AA meeting. Everyone probably thought I was crazy going on a 10 minute rant but it helped. I let it all out what was killing me inside was finally free. I could breathe again. Although my problems didn't go away overnight but with everyones suggestions it made them easier and bareable. If it wasn't for that venting and talking about my problems I could have easily relapsed. Myself and many others are proof, it works. So I urge you to not be scared, to reach out and admit your struggling. We've all have had our fair share of struggles. We got through them with the help of other. This is proof that together recovery is possible!
Thank you and God bless- Susie
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